Happy Birthday and Thank You

Failure to read the newspaper or watch the news on television means that sometimes you miss very important events. That happened to me yesterday when I was too busy to keep up with the news and as a result didn’t realize I missed Jimmy Fallon’s birthday.

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To make up for the oversight, I thought I’d say happy birthday by remembering some of Jimmy’s memorable thank you’s:

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: ‘We think we’re important enough to charge money for our garbage.’

Thank you… adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, ‘Hi, I’m over 80 years old.’

Thank you, take out restaurants for putting two spoons and two forks in the bag, thinking that all this food I ordered was for TWO people.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Thank you, crocs, for being a terrifying animal and an even more terrifying shoe.

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Thank you neighbor who pays for Wi-Fi and doesn’t set up a Wi-Fi password, for also paying for my Wi-Fi.

Thank you, new study that found people aren’t naturally good in math. It’s like I’ve always said, math is 50% hard work and 60% luck.

Thank you, emergency row on a plane, for making me lie, everytime the flight attendant asks me if I can function in case of an emergency.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food?

Thank you… motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I’m waving hello to a wall robot.

Thank you, graduation gowns, for basically saying, “This is one of the most important days in your life, so dress in your finest clothes, and then throw this loose-fitting garbage sack over the top of it.”

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So to Jimmy Fallon, I’m sorry I missed your birthday and thank you for reminding us all how important it is to write thank you notes.